My son and his significant other were engaged but never married, and they wound up breaking up and going their separate ways a few months before my grandson was born. As of this day I don’t know what happened between them that caused them to break up, and I have to accept the fact that it’s a private matter and really none of my business. Ok, I get that and that’s fine.
The real issue for me is that their breakup had nothing to do with me, but everyone on the child’s paternal side including me have not been allowed to even meet my grandson or have any part in the child’s life thus far. I initially thought there were laws in place to protect grandparent rights or grandparent visitation rights to see their grandchildren, but I had no idea the problem many grandparents are experiencing would be so difficult to resolve.
Grandparents Rights
I didn’t even know about the breakup until shortly before my grandson’s expected due date, and attempts to contact the mother before and after his birth brought no response. My college-age children live and attend college in Chicago Illinois, and their attempts to contact the mother or her family brought no results.
Phone calls were made, voice mail messages left, emails sent, messages sent to the mother’s MySpace page and various other methods to create dialogue between us were completely ignored.
A few months after my grandson’s due date, I discovered the mother had created a brand new MySpace page and was not using the old one, so I sent her a message on her new MySpace page to try and make contact.
Thankfully, she responded and told me that she didn’t mean to create the worries and concerns all of us were going through, and that she did want us to be a part of the child’s life. The problem for her is that she lives with her parents, attends college to become a nurse, and her parents are dictating the rules she is required to abide by since she’s living with them and they are helping her with my grandson’s care.
Grandparents Visitation Rights
Apparently, the paternal grand parents visitation rights trump our own maternal rights to visitation with our grandson, or at least that’s how the grandparents see it and want it to be, and they seem to think that because they live in Illinois and we live in Texas that there isn’t much that can be done to ensure our legal grandparent rights are upheld.
The baby’s mother and I exchanged numerous emails back and forth, and we even made plans and arrangements for me to meet, visit with, hold and bond with my grandson during my recent vacation trip to Chicago while I visited with my own children. My grandson’s mother has no problem with us being a part of the baby’s life, but when she told her parents of the plans made with me, they told her no, no way, no how would it be allowed to happen.
I’ve never spoken to, met or seen her parents (except in pictures posted online), and I have no idea what could possibly possess them to feel the way they do about any involvement by me or my son’s family. Attempts by me to contact her parents bring the same results as those of my children. No response to voice-mails left, etc.
Illinois Law says there is no such thing a grandparent “rights”, that visitation with grandchildren is nothing more than a “privilege”, and a judge may order visitation rights for grandparents to visit with a grandchild if:
- The parental rights of at least one parent have not been terminated, and
- Visitation with your grandchild is in that grandchild’s best interest, and
At least one the following 6 rules are true:
- Your child (mother or father of your grandchild) has been incarcerated during the 3-month period prior to filing the petition, or has been found to be incompetent, or is dead.
- The parents of your grandchild are divorced or have been living apart for at least three months.
- Your grandchild has been abused or neglected by a parent.
- It has been found by the court that your grandchild is a child in need of supervision.
- Your child (a parent of your grandchild) has had his or her parental rights to your grandchild terminated.
- Your grandchild has resided with you for at least six months during the last two years.
These legal guidelines make it appear to me that I have every legal right to file a petition in Illinois court (since that’s where the child lives) and ask the judge to grant my request for visitation with my grandson, but the judge is not required to approve the request.
I’m still trying to talk to the mother and come up with an amicable solution, but I’m also continuing to learn how to get visitation rights with my grandson through the court system, if or when that becomes necessary.
Are you also dealing with problems associated with grandparents rights? Do you have a Grandma or Grandpa story to share about your struggle to have visitation with your own grandchildren? Comments and personal stories are always welcome at Grandma Stories, so feel free to share your own story below.
